Who's Your Spiritual Asshole?

 photo credit: Heather Stephens

photo credit: Heather Stephens

We all have a Spiritual Asshole in our lives. This is a person who signed a soul contract with us before we were born to teach us the most powerful lessons during our time on earth. 

My Spiritual Asshole was my ex-husband hands down.

I truly believe he was put in my life to challenge me during our 7 years together.

Even though I learned a lot from him and about myself, the times were tough...really fucking tough.

He was that person who could get under my skin within minutes. His negative and condescending energy sometimes was like a shield for me, propelling me far away with fear.

Being with him brought out the worst in me. I look back at the past version of myself and don't even recognize that girl anymore. I was so angry and yelled a lot. If anyone knows me then you know I'm like the fucking most zen woman in the world.

So I'm super impressed that a human being could pull that kind of rage out of me.

Our personalities clashed constantly and we were always competing against each other.

There was no partnership or collaboration whatsoever.

Even our therapist had little hope for us. I could see it on the therapist's face after we would walk out of the weekly sessions.

And the sex was subpar because I didn't feel emotionally safe in the marriage. And really good sex requires me to feel safe and supported by someone.

So you many be wondering where the silver lining was here...

In-between the fights and daily arguments there were beautiful golden moments.

He got me to move out of Missouri, where I was born and raised, and started to fill my mind with dreams of traveling around the world. Hence why I've been traveling abroad for 2 years now. If he didn't want these dreams for himself I would have never known it was possible to create this type of life overseas.

He got me into Crossfit, trekking, camping and every outdoor activity possible. Growing up in Missouri, it wasn't super common to live an adventurous life outdoors due to being surrounded by farms.

He taught me everything that I don't want in future romantic relationships and to me that is incredibly valuable. How will I know what to attract if I have no concept of boundaries and standards?

He was there for me during my worst nursing memories. Luckily, he was a registered nurse as well and would understand and listen when I would come home crying and outraged when something negative would happen during my hospital shift.

I got the experience of being a military wife and had two beautiful weddings - a small one in Hawaii where we were living at the time and a bigger one back home in St. Louis.

There were moments when he was very sweet and supportive like when we accidentally got pregnant a couple months into our new relationship. He was with me every step of the way during the abortion process - which I'm so grateful I didn't have to do alone.

Yes, I learned so much from that relationship in my 20s and can't imagine my life without him during that time. He was such an impactful teacher for me and I'm super grateful for that.

Now I'm stronger, smarter, bolder, and braver after going through that terrible marriage. He gave me a powerful voice and confidence that didn't exist before.

So we all have a Spiritual Asshole in our lives. It's our job to see it as a positive thing and not a negative. This person can help us grow so much into the person we want to be. 

He truly is my Spiritual Asshole and was put into my life for a reason.

Do you currently have a Spiritual Asshole in your life? What lessons is this person teaching you, that might be challenging to learn on your own??