How to Beat an Ex Boyfriend Addiction

 photo credit: Heather Stephens 

photo credit: Heather Stephens 

Hi, I'm Krista and I'm addict.

I'm addicted to choosing relationships that require struggle and having me chase after men who aren't emotionally available for me.

When a guy decides to step down, I step up and the anxiety consumes me.

Recently I've asked for support around this addiction.

My coaches have been helping me work through it with some powerful mindset shifts and I also have two accountability partners that remind me when it's not a good idea to have contact with my ex boyfriend.

I decided that I need physical boundaries so I can have emotional boundaries with this guy. I've blocked him on every form of social media because I don't trust myself yet. If he reaches out to me and says he wants me back I will drop everything to go running back into his arms and this will be taking 10 steps backwards in my life.

This relationship isn't good for me anymore. It triggers me and makes me feel weak. I've given him too much power. The overwhelming emotions and waiting by the phone for him to text, takes away from my work, family, and friends. I'm exhausted worrying about him more than myself.

But I realize that I get a choice.

I get to choose who I keep in my inner circle. I get to choose how I feel everyday and the type of life that I want to create.

I'm no longer available for men who don't know what they want or don't make time to text or email me.

Finally ready to break this repeating pattern and give myself the royalty I fully deserve. I want to be spoiled and I want a man who is excited to be a part of my life, not run away from it.

I choose me finally and it feels good to say that out loud without any guilt.

Let me share with you some action steps that I used on myself that can help with healing from an ex-addiction: 

1. Cord Cutting Meditations

My first life coach introduced these to me when I was going through a divorce. What I do is light some candles, soak in a bathtub, close my eyes and listen to the meditation playing through my phone. I imagine a big thick red velvet cord connecting me and the person that I am ready to let go of. I then imagine a big pair of scissors cutting through that rope and the person begins falling away from me and is no longer attached to my heart. It's a powerful way of getting closure with someone on an energetic level. These are two of my favorite cord cutting meditations below: 

https://youtu.be/4Z-jU9Blxmw

https://youtu.be/qVfMk2zNP0c

2. Dress for Success

Success is the best revenge right? Taking the time to work on our physical appearance and dressing up feels powerful and shows the world that we are ready to move on. I hired an online personal stylist which I'm glad I did because apparently I was wearing all blacks and grays prior - very depressing colors. She gave me permission to wear bold, bright colors that promote confidence. 

3. Self Care

Going to the gym, lifting heavy weights and punching and kicking a bag is the best therapy for releasing anger. Also eating clean foods helps me to feel calmer, more in control of life and sexier. Anyway that you can prioritize the self care is going to help with getting your power back and finding your new normal. 

4. Train Your Brain to Be in an Abundant Mindset Daily

Really the choice is up to you. You can be mad and depressed everyday this relationship didn't work out or you can see it as a powerful opportunity towards creating new space in your heart and life for something even better to come along. See an example below of the differences between an abundant and scarcity mindset: 

Scarcity vs Abundance (1).png

 

 

5. Work with a Life Coach

I have lots of women that hire me when they are going through big life transitions and want guidance with moving forward and taking their power back. Having a life plan feels really good when things feel so out of control.  A coach can also notice your past repeating patterns in relationships and where self sabotaging might be happening. When you work on yourself and heal the mindset patterns than you know how to avoid those painful romances in the future.

It might be a good idea to work with a therapist too. Leaving a relationship is traumatic and therapists are professionally trained to help work through the trauma. 

Now, it's your turn.

Are you addicted to an ex that you can't get rid of in your mind? You know this person takes away from your life but you keep going back. Why? What are you not available for anymore in this type of relationship? Remember, you always get a choice. No one is making you do anything.

 

Please share with a friend who is struggling getting over an ex and needs to take back control...