I was the straight A student growing up that had panic attacks when she got a B- in school. I hated getting in trouble and never wanted to let anyone down. I was the good midwest Lutheran girl that said yes to everyone to make them happy and smiled even things weren’t ok. I often kept my voice quiet in fear of not wanting to rock the boat and as a result my needs often when unnoticed. I put everyone else before myself.
I met a military boy while I was in nursing school at the University of Missouri. He swept me off my feet hard and I followed him hopelessly in love all over the world. We accidentally got pregnant at 22 years old and felt that we weren’t ready to become parents that young. This was the first time I rebelled and kept a secret filled with shame. We got married, bought a big home with too much stuff and started a white picket fence life. The older I got the more that I was creating a life that wasn’t meant for me. I didn’t like being a labor and delivery nurse and working for someone else. I didn’t like owning a big home. My marriage was starting to fall apart so we opened it up and started sleeping with other couples thinking this might fix things. I felt like I was silently drowning and I didn’t know who to who would understand what I was going through.
I started to feel this strong pull towards a more alternative spiritual way of living so I became a yoga teacher, left the Lutheran religion, trained for bikini body building competitions, and hired my first life coach. She helped me to create a side business which consisted of guiding pregnant women with prenatal yoga and pregnancy coaching. She showed me how to create an online business and the possibility of leaving the nursing field for good.